Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Transfigure: Ugly Beautiful

" and he takes the empty hands and draws me close to the thrum of love.'you
May suffer loss but in me is anything ever lost, really? Loved ones lost still belong to Him - then aren't they still yours? Do I not own a cattle on a thousand hills; everything? Aren't then all provisions, in christ also yours? If you haven't lost Christ, child, nothing is ever lost. Remember "through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God" [acts 14:22], and in "sharing in my sons sufferings, becoming like him in his death" you come "to know Christ and the Power of his resurrection" [phill 3:10].'
And i nod it soft. Yes, Father, You long to Transfigure all, no matter how long it takes. You long to Transfigure all.
All this is he Ugly Beautiful. That which perceived as ugly Transfigures into beautiful. He ugly can be beautiful. The dark can give birth to to life; suffering can deliver grace"
Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, page 98-99

This speaks soft to my heart .
One more delay one more day to simply wait. No grandmother. Believing this week we will make progress, working and praying And pressing into God and brainstorming And making plans. We will update if things change and when progress happens in the physical as we believe it is in the spiritual. Thank you for praying.

We continue to trust...

Saturday, January 21, 2012


6 years ago, this is where we were...
Kyrgyzstan, Central Asia.
Beta Stor-es to be exact

wow... time...

i am now 29, jeremiah is 31

and we are now on the other side of the world from K-stan
thinking of well... many of the same things! how to shop in a different world from the one we grew up in...
how to navigate the government, immigration and social welfare, among others.

but, the big okay huge difference
this time we are dieing to be parents,
back then we were doing everything we could to avoid it!

but next week, tuesday our time,
we are hoping that the grandma will sign consent to allow little baby to be ours - or to at least start the process that will soon make her officially adopted and our own.
(in Zambia we must "foster" baby first for a period of time before they will make the adoption official).

so we are hoping and trusting God to go beyond our expectations!
as He has done so far in all of this, well chaos!

i already feel like the struggle is fading, and it seems that things are on a down hill flow (much simpler that trudging up hill).
there might be a curve ball thrown at us in the coming days and weeks, but we feel better equipped to handle with God speaking truth to us -
Gratitude in all things, even the ugly.
"Beautiful Ugly"
(Ann Voskamp - One Thousand Gifts)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

thanks beth!


everyone there

prayer cards

our friends in cape town had a surprise baby shower for me! it was so sweet. these are the pics from it

when you read this blog,
this process,
this way of growing our family

realize how we have stepped into this, knowing that things will be more difficult than most who adopt. if i were to explain all the details here,you would agree with me, that yes we are doing things the hard way!!

if you were to know everything i promise you would be saying to yourself,
"now i see why people use
agencies, or at least go to areas where children have been adopted
from before!" and yes, sometimes i say the same things to myself! but
then again, as difficult as it is, i was never any good at waiting for
someone else to make things happen.
ironically this is the most dependent i have ever felt on others and
God. as much as we have pushed this process forward, it now is out of
our hands in many ways. which is so scarry because this is the one
thing in the world (besides jeremiah of course) that is closest to our
hearts. our children through adoption. and yet it is the one things we
cannot force. Needless to say. we are growing in trust, in learning
peace in the midst of fear and aching. yet, God says we will pass
through these waters, we will not drowned (thanks Jen).

but i have grown to realize more and more, God puts each of us through trials in our life - though we chose to adopt, in this way in this place, we did so because we felt God leading us. just as He leads us, and we choose to follow, He does the same for each person. there is always a cost involved, no matter what those choices are - If God is leading.
but in the Cost - in the pain - the trials -
there is deeper joy,
deeper intimacy,
the knowledge that we are not in control, both scares and frees us!

we realize we are crazy. but we feel like God has invited us into
something so much bigger than ourselves, so much grander and for His
glory, even to see a little life saved that would have never had a
chance if we had gone through an agency. it is simply What God is
asking of us. that is all. and in that there is such peace. though,
more heart wrenching than anything either of us have ever gone
through, God is faithful. even if the ending is different than the one
we want.

pray for the next steps, to happen quickly and smoothly. for us to know when to get certain people involved, there is steps that need to happen before we can bring her home, but hoping it is in the next few weeks! but those things need to fall into place.