Thursday, April 19, 2012

movie moments


we had a meeting with a cousin of Baby, who speaks very little english. He was the person who signed her in at the orphanage, the only relative we know if with a phone.

I wish I could record these meetings...
The meetings are so lively,
of corse very little can we even understand!
lots of
"oh's!" and "uh huhs..." and "mmm..."
but all in their own vernacular.
It is very entertaining especially when you can’t understand a word
they are saying! Except the occasional English word thrown in. at some
point the translator lets us in on the fun.
And she tells us she was telling
them that white people are just the same as Africans. (We had to hold
our selves back from laughing at that, after what we just witnessed,
and agreed solemnly, "we are JUST the same".
and she was telling them
that
"Makuwa (white people) they like things straight, they don’t like
to zig zag all over, they like it straight!"
How right she is!
We like to know exactly what is going on how and when it will happen! But
how different African culture is!

[for the practical people in our life, he is going back to the village tomorrow to hopefully retrieve the needed relatives to come back monday to go to Soc. Welfare to sign papers. for now he is going to push the others to forgo the prison, as it seems they will never really get in! so this is good news, praying soc. welfare will agree that these signatures are enough to take her home!]

These are such surreal moments, when you are waiting to hear what is
really going on we sit and think about how far we are from home...!!

do you ever do that? sit back and look at your life, like you are in a movie.
you can feel what will happen next
some big explosion out of no where
or
a realization moment
or
a moment when everything comes together,
a climax that is a huge release of emotion.
(we are looking forward to this part of the movie).

but i have grown accustom to these feelings...
they happen so often!
out of body experiences.

but this is our life, our story,

i can;t wait until, 5 or 6 years from now someone who we haven't seen for a long time meets our daughter for the first time, and they ask how and why we adopted.
and i can turn to Tizri and say,
"why do you tell your part of the story and i will then tell mine."
her story is just as important as ours, and i want her to know where she came from and how God untied us.
her perspective is as important as ours.
i can't wait HER to share it with you!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

upside down


I commented to Jeremiah a few weeks ago, “this has been the hardest thing we have ever gone through and yet one of the best experiences of my life. I wonder why God doesn’t send us trials for our whole life? It draws us so close to Him and to each other.” then I got depressed because trials are seriously hard, having faith when you just want to scream is hard, staying in the place of rest when all you want to do is pull your hair out is, well, HARD! Then I read the end of Job, and the end of Joseph’s story, and David, and all the people who struggled, but God brought victory. And I realized God loves victory! He loves celebration and Joy! So I am glad about that! We are looking to that relief,but day by day trying to live in the peace of God’s grace and hope.

we still don't have her, there have been delays with the relative actually being able to communicate with the birth father. but we wait with expectation and hope midst all the ups and downs.

so if you want to hear how we are feeling, well ill start from the beginning of the roller coaster, first on a very high high, thursday we thought we were going to meet were the grandma, but it was a cousin, but he at least had accurate information for us. he tell us they havent gotten to even communicate with the birth father yet, huge drop off , and then we have to wait , again, and say good bye again to our baby who keeps getting older, and i am sure doesn't understand why people come and go in her life.
so we ask God, is it us? have we heard wrong, you can move mountains with your little finger... why isnt this working? what has this simple things been SO hard? but then after tears and screams comes the always smooth finish of peace and once again hope... against all odds, HOPE springs up. it will happen, we just have to give up our timing our ideas of how our life will look and believe things are in Gods hands, in His best for us for her for his glory.